Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!
I feel there's a difference between honesty and not telling the whole truth in a relationship. My husband has the tendency to leave out important facts. I've learned that he'll tell me what he wants me to know and when I find out other things, he claims he forgot. How do you forget that you have a child, how do you forget that you got fired and how do you forget you have a wife. In other words, he's living a double life and I don't know what to do?
Carol Charleston, SC
Your marriage is missing trust and communication which are the strongest staples for a solid relationship. There are also some issues with you that may cause your husband to be intimidated so he's forced to lie about everything. However, there are no excuses for his double life in which he has committed adultery. The both of you need to invest in a therapist to sort out your issues, organize your mess and clear the air of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities.
My boyfriend has finally proposed and I don't know if I want to accept. I had images and thoughts that when it happened, I would feel a certain way and my life would change. My heart feels heavy and now I'm scared and not sure if I want to get married. I realize that I have to answer to him, my life will change and I lose all of my freedom. Is there anything I can do to feel better about this whole thing?
Anonymous On-Line Reader
You can feel better by realizing that you're not ready for marriage. You may want the benefits of finance, sex and entertainment, but you're not ready for the idea of a committed marriage. Have a talk with your boyfriend so that he doesn't spend money or make any investments knowing you have cold feet. Marriage is a blessing and a benefit. You may need to re-evaluate this situation and be the bigger person and make the right decision to walk away.
My daughter has a two-year old son and they both live with me. I have rules as far as anyone eating in certain areas, cleaning up and purchasing their own toiletries. She allows my grandson to run wild all over the place, there are juice stains and fingerprints everywhere and my carpet is ruined. Then to make matters worse, she uses my detergent and cleaning supplies. I work full-time and I am stressed because they're ruining my place. How do I handle this?
Stressed Grand Ma Glen Burney, MD
Dear Grand Ma:
Your grandson and your daughter both need discipline. You have to realize the toddler is going to be a handful and he'll be into everything on a regular basis. This is no excuse because your daughter should be teaching him a few things. He's at a curious stage but he can use a few taps on those little hands when they wander. Put your foot down to your daughter that she needs to take care of her child and stop being a freeloader or she's out and keep it moving.