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The Dark Side of Father’s Day

African American news from Pasadena - Religion - Dark side of Father's DayWhen I was a deacon at Cochran Avenue Baptist Church in Los Angeles, I learned that assault and spousal abuse reports go up after holidays, including Father's Day. After four weeks of weekend training by licensed counselors, I and other volunteer deacons and ministers throughout LA became eligible to speak with couples, especially men - on anger management and conflict resolution. Thus I became a family intervention therapist through a Lay Domestic Violence Ministry in the Los Angeles area. It was my role to conduct seminars and/or lectures wherever possible, including churches, on the subject of domestic violence.

During my experience as a lay counselor, I encountered several men who abused their wives or girlfriends on Father's Day. As we talked in a workshop setting about the problems, I discovered that some men who are estranged from their biological children sometimes begin feeling guilty and/or emotional about their absence as a father. Even though, in some cases, there are step-children around, who may or may not spend time with their biological father, men can't help but think about their own children. This lowly feeling leads to drinking, picking arguments and eventually physical abuse on the woman in his life.

Based on my experience the unhealthy emotions of wayward, separated and being shutout, many fathers are not considered by most mental professionals and often go untreated. To avoid the possible abuse - men who feel sad because of separation from their children shouldn't drink alcohol or use drugs as a ceremonial indulgence. Prior to a distressful episode fathers at risk should put a caring friend, someone they know have their back, on notice and call them for consoling, if necessary. In the absence of a friend to call, he can go to a church, go watch a movie, or exert yourself through exercise, etc. Never use alcohol to soothe your emotions especially to overcome holiday stresses.

Women who are the victims of any physical abuse during the Father's Day weekend, or any other time, should not accept flowers and candy as an apology. To do so is sending the dangerous message that she can be manipulated with flattery. Many experienced counselor would advise to immediate get out of the relationship and at the very least report the matter to police. Although, I'm not a licensed counselor I agree that giving second passes on abuse is not a good idea.

African American news from Pasadena - Religion - Keke and Oxy cartoon

[Richard O. Jones is a poet, clean comedian, author of nine books, and creator of Ox and Donkey Relationships Cards for couples in crisis. You may reach him through the websites: www.oxanddonkeyrelationcards.comemail or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .]



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