The Hey Auri! column is dedicated to answering your questions and providing helpful advice.
How are you able to manage juggling your friendships?
I recently had a falling out with one of my close friends and I am not sure how to handle the situation. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, but to sum it up, I felt like I was wronged by my friend, and my friend felt wronged by me. I also feel like I value the friendship more than my friend does.
Should I just end the friendship? Please give me some advice, I really need it.
Sincerely, No New Friends?
Hey "No New Friends?",
Well, for starters, I am sorry that you and your friend had a falling out.
Juggling friendships is no easy task. Like all relationships, they take work, time, and reciprocity (in my opinion). I'd like to consider myself a good juggler of the relationships in my life. When it comes to friendships, however, I like to give them extra special attention just because friendships are by choice, and a lot of the friends I have made throughout life so far are not conveniently in front of my face all the time. One of my best friends moved to San Francisco for school and in order to juggle sustaining a meaningful relationship with her I often visit her when I have free time, and our text messages are always a mile long.
In regards to your situation though, it isn't all about juggling relationships. You can juggle a million relationships, but you have to be fulfilled in those relationships, which is why I mentioned reciprocity. In my opinion you cannot be selfish in a relationship, you both have to be willing to "do for each other".
Some exercises you can do to gauge whether or not a relationship is serving you or if you are serving it is by taking a blank piece of paper, folding it down the middle, and on one side of the paper you write all the good about the person or relationship, and on the other side you write all the bad, and if the bad out-weighs the good you may want to consider cutting ties. You do not have to feel bad for walking away from a situation (or relationship) that is bad for you or no longer serves you. Sometimes people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Just keep being the best type of friend you know how to be. If the good out-weighs the bad though, you may have a good friend on your hands, and you should really try talking to your friend face to face, so you can voice your concerns and the way you feel, and he/she can do the same.
If you or someone you know needs the advice of a professional, please check out your school's psychology services or counseling office.