You're a Big Girl Now
By the time I hit 18, I knew I was ready to leave home. But, in fact, I nearly had to fight to get out of there. My home was not the warm and fuzzy type. Contrary to some of my school friends, my life was no bed of roses. I struggled with the way I was treated by my stepmother and my father. She was domineering and he was cheap. I had gone to live with them when I was 10 from a life of comfort and plenty. With them, I experienced the "punishment" of household chores and poverty. I could not play ball or join any school clubs because I had to go home to cook dinner every day. On Christmas day, everyone found me in the kitchen, washing dishes all day between the waves of visitors coming for dinner. Each year for back to school my allowance was $50 for clothes, shoes, and a coat. Even though that was in the 60's and things were inexpensive, back then even that was cheap. It was simply not enough, so I had to make choices, i.e., coat or shoes? I resorted to second hand stores to meet my needs.
This is just a glimpse of why I wanted to leave home. So when my step uncle (my step mother's brother) asked if I could go live with him and his family – a pregnant wife and 4 kids, I jumped at the chance. But my father was reluctant to let me go. Meanwhile, without saying one word, I was in the backroom packing my bags while my uncle pleaded with him for nearly an hour to let me go to attend college in his town.
When I think back on these things, I realize how God took my experiences and used them for my good. I learned how to cook and clean, and I learned how to bargain shop and manage a buck. My stepmother also taught me how to sew and make myself presentable by dressing and acting like a lady, and since she was a beautician, my hair was always done in the latest styles. All these lessons helped me when I became grown.
Responsibility to Self
Other lessons came through struggle also. Though I was a single woman for only a year between high school and when I got married, I was on my own and responsible to get a job, get myself up early enough to get to the job, on time, and be responsible to manage my paycheck for sharing in household expenses, personal needs, clothes and transportation. I bummed rides to and from work by negotiating with co-workers until Joe – my then boyfriend – picked me up each day for work. I couldn't go out and stay out late and have fun with my friends or new boyfriend, because I had to get up at 4 a.m. to get to work by 6 a.m., when I worked at the bag factory. All those days that my stepmother fussed at me to get me up so I could get to school on time, worked.
Another lesson young woman must learn is to be responsible for persons they expose their families to. Who is the guy you're bringing home to meet your mother and/or father? Is he decent? Have you checked him out? Do you know his people? How does he treat his mother and the womenfolk in his family? What does he bring to your table (life)? Does he add something rather than detract? I know so many women who suffer at the hands of abusive, controlling, boyfriends, or "momma's boys" who are spoiled and looking for a women to take care of them like their momma did. He will be a burden on you and you will be working for to financially support him, bail him out of jail, and support his bad habits. I don't care how good he looks or how good he makes you feel, he's bad news and not anyone you want to give the time of day, let alone be thrust upon your family. You will pay dearly. They will bring you down to the gutter with them and your family will suffer too! So Please Pick Carefully! Here's something to think about. We as women have a heart for men. If we allow a man to touch our heart, he has us. We're committed to him. The trick is not to allow a man to even get close enough to touch our heart unless we know all about him and have checked him out. Then if he is someone we will want to submit – for the rest of our life.
Next time: Responsibility as a wife.
[Ruth Hopkins is the co-publisher and managing editor of THE JOURNAL. You may reach her by phone: (626) 798-3972, or email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ]
