For the last fi ve days, I have not been able to sleep nor close my eyes at night. It’s been a nightmare.
We were watching the news and some newscasters, supposedly from their home, had not shaved in quite a while, which was noticeable.
I turned to my wife and said, “I know how I can save a lot of money!”
“How’s that?” She asked.
“I can save money,” I said as seriously as I could muster at the time, “by not purchasing any toiletry items like aftershave and shaving cream.”
She just looked at me as though I was a little bit crazy, but I think she thought I was a whole lot crazier.
"In fact," I said with a sarcastic attitude, "I don't have to shave, I'll just grow a beard." Then I laughed.
I glanced over at my wife, and she was smiling one of those smiles I have not seen in a long time. I could not quite fi gure out the nature of that smile, but I knew it was not one of her best smiles.
“Would you care to repeat that?” She asked.
With her strange smile and question, I was completely knocked off my guard. I did not know how to interpret this.
“I don’t need to shave,” I repeated, “I’ll just grow a beard like everybody else.”
As I was saying that, I was giggling and having a wonderful time. I did not know at that time that I might be in trouble. That is the problem with husbands. They never know when they are in trouble.
They may be in trouble when the wife is scowling or when she is smiling. There is no way to tell the difference. I was in that position.
“So,” she said rather slowly, “you’re not going to shave? Is that what I’m hearing?”
I knew I was joking, but I did not know if she knew that I was joking, and therefore I did not know if I was joking.
I was backed in a corner and needed to play this forward. "Yes, I'm not going to shave until all of this is over. I'll grow a nice beard." Then I let out a hearty laugh.
She then laughed. "This is how it will go," she explained, "if you don't shave during the day, I will She then laughed. "This is how it will go," she explained, "if you don't shave during the day, I will shave you at night when you're sleeping."
In the middle of one of my laughs, I stopped and started to process what she said.
I looked at her, she looked at me, and I did not know what in the world to think. Would she shave me while I was sleeping?
All she did was smile one of “those smiles,” and started back watching TV.
I have lived long enough to know that there are many things I do not know, and I was in a position where I did not know if what she was telling me was what she was going to do.
In the following silence, I could not help but think of two Bible verses by King Solomon. “Give not sleep to thine eyes, nor slumber to thine eyelids” (Proverbs 6:4). And, “Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfi ed with bread” (Proverbs 20:13).
One thing I have learned in life is never take anything for granted. When you do, things never seem to come out right.